Life with PCOS

Well lets see where to start. I am Amanda. I am 22 years old and I am battling PCOS. I was first diagnosed with it when I was 16 years old, although the doctor did not fully know what it was. My first response to him was " How can you diagnose me with something that you know nothing about?" He couldnt answer. At the age of 18 I had another doctore tell me I had PCOS. But I received the same answer from him as well "We are not fully aware of what it is!!" When I was 19 I married my husband Tim (February 5, 2005). We decided after being married for a year that we wanted to start having children. So I went to my ob/gyn. He told me that I had PCOS. I just looked at him and I said "I have been told by 2 doctors that I have this, but neither of them could explain to me what it is. Please tell me you know something about it." Dr. Conrad looked at me and began to tell me in detail that PCOS was a disease that causes infertility in women and without the aide of drugs I would not be able to conceive on my own. I was devistated. I have always wanted to be a mother. And it really hurt me to hear that my dream would not come true without the drugs. So in March of 2006. I started taking Clomid and 2000mg of Metformin. I did this treatment for 8 months with no results. I think 1 time I had a good month with the clomid. But the side effects of the Clomid almost ruined my marriage. I was always outraged when I took this pill. I would either be so mad at everyone or so upset I could not stop crying. So we talked to the doctor and he suggested I try Repronex. I did 1 round of the Repronex with an IUI. It did not work. My mother begged me to stop after the repronex because I was only causing more hurt for myself. So I stopped trying.

People ask me all the time, "when are you going to have a baby??" Little do they know I have been fighting so hard to accomplish this. And they just keep telling me "Lose some weight!! or Stop worrying about it, it will happen soon enough!" But they dont understand what it is like to live every day with PCOS and the struggle to wake up and think what their life would be like if they cant have a child. I am tired of people telling me to just stop worrying about it and to lose weight and that it will happen when God feels the time is right.

I have a loving husband who is always there for me. He goes to all the doctor visits and he holds me when I cry and sometimes he even cries too. He will be 30 this year and I am beginning to see how this is hurting him as much as it hurts me. I used to tell him "You dont understand what it is like to want something so badly and know that you may never get it!!" But he does understand. He does know how it feels to struggle and fight so hard every month to have a child. And I love him so much for that. I just wish that my prayers would come true and we will conceive this year.